February 28, 200freakin4
Until you've landed.
I just experienced an interesting retrospect. I read all 7 of my rants in one sitting. I am totally willing to accept that I may be a little abrasive at times. I really wonder whether anyone really read these tirades, or I'm just getting cheap self-therapy.
REGARDLESS
It's interesting to see how I feel about things, and mirror that particular slant to my life experiences of that time. In other words, a lot can change in a few months. Here's a quote from my September 11, 2003 rant:
"Sometimes, there's just something better out there that you need to find."
December 28, I found it. I was in a chat room of no importance for no reason in particular. I happened upon Bill, said Hey and ended up talking to him for 3 hours that night. I had to meet him the next night, and I've seen him every night since. It's different. Every time I've been in love, it was genuine and memorable, but I've just never experienced this. This Bill person is the first one who's been able to dissolve my shield. I can not have a wall up when he's there. He makes me feel like we belong together. Ya know, that soulmate shit. :)
I'm done. I'm turning 26 next month. Yeah, I have friends twice my age, but it's still a period of my life. As long as he'll have me, (and I know he's just as much in love with me) I'm ready chill out. This was after approximately 9 years of dating people. Some were just a few months, some a few days, some were a few years.
Back to why dating sucks...
This emotion I have with this Bill character is a major human experience that most of us are in constant search for. Being comfortable with myself was enough for me before, but I always yearned for love. It's really a hard thing to get. The right blend of attraction, chemistry, intellect, humor, and passion. You take any of these attributes and disrupt the proportions, and it changes. Sometimes when meeting people, you just wanna talk to them, and not see them naked. Others you want to do naughty things to, but not hold hands in front of a fire place. Some you just end up hating. Some of them really hate you.
It's not really that bad. No matter how difficult the breakup, I have at least one happy memory of what was. Some, I have many wonderful memories. It's part the life experience.
I'll really try to limit the mushy level of these rants, but I just needed to add this emotion to my collection.